How to Complete the Past – Giving Space to the Future

It is about twenty years ago that I had a friend in Switzerland who was a vintner. Five years prior he had switched his whole business from conventional agriculture to organic. He had replaced thousands of grapevines that were dependent on pesticides and artificial fertilizers with stronger and more resistant kinds of vines. Needless to say that the following years were an economic struggle and it did not always look like his company would survive. In his fifth year of organic wine growing and making, I had been working with him during the day. We had been trimming the vines and tying the shoots to the wires. In the evening we were sitting together, talking about this and that. Then he opened a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. He passed one over to me and said: “Roland, try this. You will not taste a drop of fear anymore!”

What he was saying was not only that he had made it. He had succeeded economically, had overcome the political harassment from the side of the conventional and very powerful agricultural establishment, he had managed to attract enough customers who were willing to pay more for a truly special wine. There also was no pesticides used anymore and the soil in his vineyard had recovered from the toxic load of pesticides and chemical fertilizers. All these are expressions of fear. Now, his wine had a certain degree of perfection, not a drop of fear anymore. I never had tasted a wine like that, it was excellent.

Wedding Without a Drop of Fear

A couple of weeks ago I had a similar experience. I got married. Two and a half years ago we already had been married in the Native tradition of my adopted family. A Blackfoot elder had bonded us during the annual sundance, the most important ceremony of the year in the tribe. It was a deeply spiritual experience. One day we started pondering getting married legally and within the circle of our friends and family. Now you have to know that for my dear wife Barb and me it is not our first marriage. That means that our discussions were at times overshadowed by pains and wounding from former relationships that got triggered. Even though we both were pretty soon clear that we wanted to complete our bond also with a legal marriage, things were not yet clear. Fears, anger, resentments came up, doubt and sadness. All had to be expressed, felt, received from the other partner. Over and over we talked about it, felt into it and worked our way through. It took about two years, then one day it was clear. Not any doubt, no unclear uncomfortable feeling anymore. “Not a drop of fear” was anymore in our discussions. We both were ready and right after an outburst of anger on my side, I stopped the car on our trip through the Rockies, picked some wild lilies from the side of the road and proposed to my love.

Was it worth to wait so long and to go through all our emotional turmoil over and over again? It was, I am absolutely sure! When we plant a seed, and doubts, fear and consorts are part of it, they might grow as well and potentially distort our bloom or even kill the plant. Do not get me wrong, I do not want to talk for hesitation, for procrastination or for sitting things out. Yet I also do not suggest to hurry. What I want to encourage is taking the time to work through uncomfortable emotions, to deal with everything that comes up from the past until the soil is prepared, the bed is ready to receive our seed of a new future.

How was our wedding you might ask? It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. Not the slightest disharmony, not the slightest friction dimmed the joy and the love of that day. It was perfect – “Not a drop of fear anymore”.

Relationship Without Fear

Barb and Roland Photo: Jerry Van

When you want to start a new chapter in your life and you realize that emotional carry-on luggage from the past are still growing like weeds in the flower bed in which the seed of your new chapter will be planted, when talking about it with your partner does not suffice and fear and doubt still are lingering, you might want to ask a professional for help. Homeopathy can be a great support in clearing emotions that are like ropes with which we drag our past along. Homeopathy helps us to digest the past, to integrate it and to let go of anything that does not serve us anymore. It can help us to clean the slate and to make room for a future that is built on what we love not on what past hurts tell us.

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