My Favorite Cup of Coffee

My Favorite Cup of CoffeeIn a crowded hallway of a local college I met her. I was waiting for a geology class for elders. I have no idea why she stopped in front of me, smiled and nodded towards my hair which I wore in a braid as I often do. She started telling me what braided hair meant in the tradition of her people. “Who are your people?” I asked curiously. – “I am Roma”, she answered, still smiling. In that moment the world around us disappeared. My curiosity was gone, I was shocked. All I felt was guilt, shame and the fear to be judged and rejected. “I am German”, I said in a low voice. She looked right in my eyes, her face very serious now. Tears welled up in my eyes. “I am sorry”, I whispered, the words almost got stuck in my throat. We were alone, enveloped in a grief that was older than we. Time stood still for a moment. When it started moving again, the smile reappeared in her face, a dark cloud moved away and we hugged. “Thank you. I am Marla. Come see me in my coffee shop.”

Ever since then I stop at her little coffee corner whenever I am nearby.

The Roma are a Gypsy tribe, a nomadic people formerly roaming freely through Europe. Almost half a million fell victim to the racial arrogance of the Nazi regime. Half of my family ancestors had supported the Nazis, the other half had rejected them and therefore suffered from them. Even now I sometimes wake up from nightmares about a time I have not experienced myself. Then I think of Marla. I will stop there again, and she will give me my coffee for free. For me, it is the best coffee in the world.

Some of the energies we carry do not come from our personal life. We also carry family history and we carry energies of the culture that birthed us. To say: ‘It is not yours, just let it go!’ is as unreasonable as if our grandchildren would say: ‘These old nuclear reactors are not my problem, they come from before I was born.’ Even the most fanatic advocates of nuclear energy admit that our descendants will have to take care of our nuclear garbage for at least 500 years with enormous technical and financial effort. Not all of them but some will have to do the energetic healing work around this. It is the very same with energies of crime, injustice or violence that we ‘inherit’. Some of us will have to take care of them. That means not only carrying them like a baton and then passing it on, it means embracing it with all the love we can muster, feeling it and thus allowing it to transform in order not to hand it down through the generations as a burden but as a legacy of love. Marla helped me to transform this uncomfortable inheritance from an abyss of guilt and isolation to the joy of a friendship and loving connection, without ignoring what had happened. As do my friends who are Jewish or Native.

My deepest gratitude goes to these friends who helped me to forgive my ancestors, who helped me to find peace with who I am and where I come from.

If you also carry things that are handed down in the family lineage, ask for help. It is hard to deal with this alone. I have seen homeopathy provide deep healing with transgenerational trauma. Contact me if you would like to have support.